1. |
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2. |
Year One
05:21
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I am now confined to words I spoke- not words I’ve yet to speak or thoughts I’ve yet to think
And I am now defined by accolades and third-person praise- not character or faith
Because I cannot defy the unfailing time or the unveiling selfish truth, though it comes a bit too soon
That life itself has come to pass without a care for what we choose- to be enlightened or attuned- the unblossomed and the in-bloom
So many nights I would lie awake- living in my head instead of on the ground
Planning my escape- while I was planning, the world spun and spun around and round
I was once inclined to believe that there was something we call fate
-A grand design for every day
But I have been refined to know that there is only what we make
And save
And the truth is we just want someone to blame
Or shame
Or at the very least, to shoulder all the pain
As we live each night in vain
And some of those nights I’d lie awake and wonder, “Are we all just passing time or is it passing us all by?”
But as I listened to hear the world spin, I ‘d hear the sounds of silence
So I’d lie back down and close my eyes
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3. |
Amanda's Story
04:20
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She said, “It wasn’t always so bad,
There were some days we’d forget.
Passing time with the TV,
We’d pretend we were guests.”
She said, “He wasn’t always so bad,
On the days that he slept.”
Maybe dreaming of a woman,
Whom, his love, she’d accept.
Then everything would be the way he’d always dreamt,
And he could have someone to call his pet.
A vision someone set so long ago,
But he could not forget.
As if someone had said,
“The ones you love are the ones to be kept.
And kept without consent,
The heart loves most what it can’t defend.”
“Then there were some days he was so bad,
Never giving us a rest.
Passing time with the ceiling,
Counting tiles from the bed.
And on those days it was so bad,
We’d even dream of our death.
But it was never to be answered,
We were never to be sent.
And then one day we heard a noise from through the vent,
A door, unlocked, a voice around the bend.
A ten-year-aged regret, on able legs, racing down the steps.
The panic of unrest, the sound of heartbeats beating through our chests.
And then a wave of calm as he stood over our bed.
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4. |
His & Hers
03:12
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We talked all night to prove the mouths that we kept still knew how to move
And white lies filled the room as tongue and cheek met where our hearts seem to rarely do
The clock blinked twice to cue the sequence we felt seemed so overdue
Where night could be renewed and we could be set to the beat of another tune
We lent our bodies to attempts to reclaim the transposing view
And shoved ourselves into each other in shame, trying hard to ignore the truth
As hips became subdued, my eyes still remained fixed on only you
And every flaw we drew now seemed to retain every truth that it thought to lose
And in the dark you leaned into my ear and whispered softly,
“Swear that you’re not bored of me and I’ll swear I’m not bored of you yet. I just need to know that someone in this room feels something…or someone.”
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5. |
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We never saw her again
We only heard the things the TV said
“Some night, some time, some friend.”
We never saw him again
We only saw his words and how they’d bend
“That night, those drinks, that dress…”
So people began asking around,
But all the wrong questions
Like where and when and how?
Instead of asking why
He called himself a friend
He must have known that soon his borrowed time would end
The way it always does
We never saw them again
We only saw the bright, young lives that they left for dead- not to be spent
And still some people ask around,
But never the right questions
Except for maybe, “how could all of us just watch?
And then sit back and pretend like nothing ever happened until it happens again?”
Until it happens again
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6. |
The Weight
06:48
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I was only a couple weeks shy of twenty-five years old
When I turned the TV on and felt it, then, without control
It was if my body opened up and swallowed the world whole
And with it came such empathy that my apathy was gone
But now I can’t (close back up)
But now I can’t (turn it off)
But now I can’t (shut them out)
I never can (keep them out)
I was only a few days away from thirty-five years old
When I watched my wife hold a child so close I could swear it was her own
So I held my arms outstretched to show I could bear to share the load
But as I held it then my body split and each nerve became exposed
And now I can’t (close back up)
And now I can’t (turn it off)
And now I can’t (shut them out)
I never can (keep them out)
I was only hours away from turning 65 years old
When my daughter called me on the phone to check on things at home
I said your mother’s sick, the cancer’s grown, they say it’s time for her to go
But when her body leaves will I follow or will I stay to watch you grow?
Because I can’t (close back up)
Because I can’t (turn it off)
Because I can’t (shut you out)
I never can (keep you out)
When I was seventeen years old I lived for me
Not with the weight of an eternity in mind
And although crippling, it seems my greatest prize
Is to be burdened with the weight of every life
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7. |
The Post Life
03:29
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Last night I had a dream that we were dead
We followed some bright tunnel to its end
Then all these men cheered while some women wept
It was as beautiful as everyone had said
We came with empty pockets, empty debts
No silver, gold, or plastic promises
Just echoes of the people we had been
It was the way that every story should begin
And as we stood staring off, we played back our lives again
But gave not a thought to the faults we thought we’d never forget
No more emphasis on counting down the days or counting up our sins
It’s not the times you lost; it’s the times you tried to win
I awoke to my same house on my same street
But every sight and sound seemed out of synch
Yet clearer, they could not have been to me
It felt as if it was the first time I could see
That time is just occurrence to a beat
And life is just a movie of the week
No sense idling in fear of the critique
Far more important to produce than to speak
But as I lie awake in bed, I played back the dream again
And starting to creep inside my head were thoughts of every regret
But I told myself some things just never fit, some shots were meant to miss
It’s not what you planned to do; it’s simply what you did
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Justen Hamilton Chicago, Illinois
Justen Hamilton is an indie folk artist from Lake Villa, IL. His debut album "Year One" draws inspiration from artists such as Conor Oberst, Regina Spektor, and Tim Kasher. He is also known for his work in the indie rock/powerpop band, Two Star.
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